Fairweather Friends

Had one of those weekends where you have extra time to think. Don't you just hate those?

Sometimes this is good. Needed for better planning. Sometimes it just unearths hurt feelings.

I realized that since my return to Nigeria about 5 years ago, none of my friends, none has helped me in the job department. Most of them are lawyers too, former classmates, business owners, well established in the top 20% if I dare say so. But they never did. They listened to my woes and recited the usual, "Things are tough out here." and didn't extend a hand to easing the tough exterior.

Naturally, organically as I've grown to realize that I am in this world alone. I turned to God. Turned to God in prayer, fervent prayer, lots of prayer, lots of hoping. I prayed that I would be the first person to get a job in a country that values connections above merit, without said connection and more on merit. And I went from job to job.

So be it that the first job I got on merit I was hired by an expat – who obviously saw through the connections B.S. that is prevalent in this country. Being a position of power, I had the wherewithal to subcontract some legal jobs to external counsel. And who did I pick? The same friends who never thought I’d make it. As I did that, it wasn’t necessarily for the side money (which I heard is usually the motivation for subcontracting), it was more shall I say, to show off, to tell them, look Ma, I made it, and your sorry ass needs to be ashamed for discrediting me. As I moved from job to job, atimes even unemployed for a very lengthy period, they still STILL never helped, even after seeing what I was capable of. I say all this because, yesterday I was hanging out with one of such friends, and he started bragging to his friends about me. Bragging about where I now work and that I make a whole lotta money (which I don’t by the way – besides even if I did I would be the last, the very last person to brag about me). I considered it an affront. Nigerians will not help you in any way but they want to brag about your achievements, brag about what God has blessed you with and some of them even tell you, take us out to celebrate your victory. I just think, I would, if you were part of my victory, but you didn’t help, remember, you just slid to the side while I wallowed in pain.

When you think of all these things, it’s hard not to be consumed with disdain and resentment for these people and that is what I struggle with every day – Pretending to still be friends with people who haven’t helped in my ascension but who want to revel in my victory. I look at them and think, "You could have helped if you wanted to, but you just chose not to, who does that to a friend?"