Is This How It Ends?

As I contemplated the hugely, HUGELY AND EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTING loss of my job (which I talk about in detail in My BH Story), I tried to summon some courage for myself. Some sense of focus. Some gumption. 

Some things don't make sense. And you even get more confused trying to make them make sense. The phrase, "Make It Make Sense" resonantly echoes in my head. As I sat and commiserated what I had done wrong, what I would do different, as I was driving to church this afternoon, Survivor, a song I hadn't heard for years played, and I remembered the lyrics to the part that I really liked: 

 "You thought that I'd Self Destruct, but I'm Still Here. Even in the years to come, still gone be here."

Then, I got to church and as they preached, the Priest said something that was profound, reminded me of one of my favorite scenes from the most unassuming movie, Speed, that often replays in my head, at times when I want to give up. After the near death experiences that Keanu and Sandra encountered in the bomb wired bus, he broke down when he heard that his police partner had been killed. That was their last attempt at escaping from the bus and with that shattered he just seemingly lost all hope. He threw a fit of frustration and gently whispered to Sandra in a defeated tone: 

We're gonna die.

And she softly replied:

"No, we're not. We've gone this far." 

So many times in my life, even before Nigeria, I've come to points where I've thought: "I'm not gonna make it." 

But I hear God resoundingly respond: You are. You've come this far. 

I thought about that a lot when I assessed where I am in my life. Where I thought I'd be. How to get to where I want to be. The pitfalls, cruelty and the challenges I faced this past couple of years and more so to come with this new obstacle. The housing drama, oh all the landlord and facility management drama, disrespecting a sista just because she's a single woman with very little money drama. This people here would think less of you once you don't have any of these qualities: Money or a Husband (if you're female). Men only have to have some small money and they're covered, revered and treated with a tremendous amount of respect. But women we have to go through hoops just to prove that we are decent people worthy of society's respect regardless of our lack of any of the qualities that this feeble minded society considers admirable. But every time I try to succumb into that heap of despair weighed down by society's influence over me, I try to utter:

We're not gonna fail, because, we've come this far. 

...And truly, there's no other way to go except to fall forward. 

Fall forward, we shall.