Two key things are bothering me this year and this is only the second day of the Year. I hope that doesn't mean I shall be faced with bothersome circumstances this year.

1)Yesterday my sister forgot me at the mall.

I say forgot because that was what happened. These are the kind of stories I tell my mum and she begins to flip out like, "she is your sister, you HAVE to look out for her."

I shan't go into details because the details are a little too long, but, put it this way, she had a family engagement, I had to go work, she could have moved her engagement forward just for an extra hour to accomodate me when I got off work so I could hence join them, but she didn't.

Instead I got off work and paced the mall for 5 extra hours until I had to call to remind her that, "Hello, remember me, yes you dropped me off at work this morning, Yes I am still there, and yes, you know I don't have a freaking car so how am I going to get home after work."

As I paced the mall, I just felt os lonely, so alone, like what happened to my social life, what happened to the me that used to attend 4 or 5 New Years parties back to back, what happened to being taken out on a cold New Years to lunch with your boyfriend while you both plan out your New Year together, what happened to that, am I not good enough for it, will I ever be good enough for it?

I chose not to say anything to her when I finally saw her, and I chose not to cry, I promised God that my tears wouldn't fall this New Years. I just bottled it all up inside and took the bitter with the fact. Blood no longer becomes as thick once water has sufficiently diluted it. And that was that.

My best friend put it best when she said: If I were her daughter, hell yeah she would have made time out during the engagement to come pick me up. Which is true, I remember the many days we would go to the movies and race home by 3 o'clock just to catch the school bus. But as I said, I chose not to speak about it, or lament about it. I just made God promise me (His humble child)that He gets me a car to go with my new life this year.


2) I think...this is a bad thought but I do think that the people I work for DO NOT LIKE ME. so I may eventually in the downturn of the slowing pace of work GET FIRED. I have tried to shrug off this horrible horrible thought for the longest time but I am very perceptible to things so I know what goes down even before it does (it comes with years of studying criminology).

Where I work there are only 5 black people there, all the white people talk about me. ALL OF THEM. I have nothing against white people, I just wonder, "Why didn't they ever feel the need to hire more black people there?" Suddenly I am the token black hostess (sort of like in a movie there's always that token black actor for color purposes)Somebody, I don't know who, must be latently racist, and I am suspecting it is my GM. So that's my problem.

I don't know how to change the fact from occuring if it shall indeed occur (GOd forbid that it does) I can only try to kiss ass (which is so hard with white people...wtf do they talk about all the damn time with their definite southern twang) and try to do my work better, which is also hard because my heart isn't in it. I wish it was but it's not.

I feel like I took the wrong bus in life or something and ended up where I should have been 10 years ago, everyone in there, (apart from being white) is at least on average 10 years younger than me. I suspect that one of my managers is my agemate. Yes, and one of them, the cute one, is younger than I am. You know how it is to take orders from someone younger than you. It blows chunks big time


Which brings me to the final thought: the cute one. How do I get him? Butter, if your reading this, any suggestions, you know your good at stuff like this? I hope he's not the one to deliver the bad news when (I forbid so) they decide to fire me, you know that would be a downer?


That's it, a long and relieving entry. I don't feel as good as I normally feel when I offload my angst, I just feel like I am putting down a petition for the ONE above to PLEASE please hear me, and take me away from all this. Please.

A picture of me just because, I feel like it, look how peaceful the waterfall behind me is: