Once upon a time, there was this job I really wanted. It pays buckets more than what I am earning now, and it is in research, legal type of work. Oh, that was my area exclusively, it was one of those jobs you think this may be made for me. I must have gone for about 3 interviews for that same job and then, they were like, "we'll tell her when we are ready to make our decision, we'll tell her." This was over a month ago. I spoke to the temp agency girl who was trying to score the job for me last 2 weeks ago, just before I started my new job, and she said, they said they were not a 100% sure they wanted to go with me.

Today, I drove past the place where the office is/was. Out of curiousity when I got home, I couldn't resist calling her, just to find out, Okay so what if I hadn't gotten another job, I would have died sitting on my ass waiting for you. She acted like she didn't know who I was, and when she did, she said, something that I implied meant..."are you still waiting on them to call, girl I thought I made it clear that they don't want your ass, so beat it!" She told me the same thing she said the last time, dancing around, "they don't want you anymore." I don't know whay I felt I wold make it if I had tht job. I would be able to afford to move out, get the car loan I want to get a new car, and do so much for myself. Now, I am scared to move out, scared that my paycheck might not carry me that far on my own.
Perhaps, I shouldn't have called at all.


I am just a curiously stupid person at times. I pick up the phone and I start to call people I haven't spoken to in months, weeks. I called my crush too. He dropped the phone at the second hello. Talk about recognizing my voice. Geez! Guess he didn't want my ass neither.