A week to my birthday, coupled with all the pressure of turning 30 and my apartment move, I sorta lost interest in going to work. I would wake up and hate myself, ahte that routine, and just want to take that day as a personal day. I would get to work and eventually leave early and then, hate it when the next day rolled around so easily. I don't kow if it was the tedious journey to work, or the job, the dingy office, I just do not know.
It got worse after my birhday. The day after my birthday was Monday. I knew I should have taken that day off because I know my boss, envy is her nature. She would want to work the birthday magic outta you. And she did, and we even had an argument three days after, and it's just been hellish. Everything that ever crossed my mnd about that job and why I should be in it, and why I shuoldn't have joined it in the first place, came to the forefront, and I felt belligerent that I didn't pay attention to the signs, that I was greedy, and that things are not working out 3 months into it.
As I type I am thinking of calling some of my recruiters. I don't think I can stay afloat and bear it all in too long. I know my nature, one can only take so much. I had to hold it inside to keep from walking out on Thursday, and now as another week rolls around I am almost tempted to do so.
I remember when I started this job and everyone wondered if I was gonna make it. They kept asking me how long I could hang in there. The pieces, the questions all make sense now, and I feel that victim in a horror movie who still manages to shunall the warning and tell-tale signs and moves into the haunted house that houses the worst ghosts/demons/monsters ever.
I just feel so stupid and angry, and just infuriated.
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