I feel really bad that I didn't attend church today. I am going through this withdrawal thing, maybe it's from God or the state of situation I cannot change, and I would like to change, that I feel like going to church I am just mainly saying the same things over and over, and I might not be saying it right. On Friday, I sat in front of the TV and watched the VH1 marathon on 100 Greatest Red Carpert Moments for 3 hours straight. Then, yesterday I spent, $280 shopping, absolutely shopping for shoes, clothes, winter clothes even though I have so much of that, and pants, I noticed that I don't fit into most of mine. And then, this morning I woke up with a feeling that said, I may not go to church and I want to go one a diet, an extreme one.
You can see a pattern there. Some kind of manic obsessive dysfunctional behaviour, that is dictating my life right now. I don't know. And worse off the holidays are around the corner, a bad time to be manic obsessive about anything. I am just not right, happily right, fulfilled. Afraid of the future.
However, for that God I apologize, I don't know what this is about.
Thank you God for everything, for my life, for the peace that I occasionally enjoy and for the love around me. I don't want my avoidance of church sermon as my turning my back from you. I just still want something great to happen to me, and I want to stop being afraid, and to live my own life. I am just unsure of what to do, how to do it, and if I can do it right, and if what I am doing will get me to where you want me to be. I pray that this is a good week, at work and at play, bless me and protect me from all evil and grant me the peace that I seek. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment