I just got back from Atlantic Station. Every time I go there I feel like a worm in a big hole. It builds an indescribable feeling of unease. The place is beautiful and serene that's why I like going up there, but surrounding it are all these perfectly coupled young people. They look so together and so happy and then, there's little ole me from the suburbs walking alongside, the very fine looking men accompanying their women as they shop, or the very rich, suave young couple shopping for their furniture at West Elm, with the wife expecting their first baby. I just feel so uncomfortable, maybe my imagination creates this unease, or I feel somewhat inferior, or timid, in such bourgeoisie plastic settings.
I have determined that there are some things that make me sad, or put me in this pity party which I refuse to live in. So I am alone, and so I should learn to deal with it, and the sooner I deal with it the better for me, no point in feeling sorry for myself. That will not solve anything. And if there's this thing, be it a song, a situation, or a place that gets me into the pity party mode, I should most certainly avoid it.
Two things, I have realized start this in me.
One of them, is Atlantic Station (I haven't decided yet if I should stop going there) and the other is listening to Gavin's rendition of Hallelujah. That has got to be the most depressing song on this planet. It is so nicely done, but it is so fucking depressing, like "Fuck, I can't believe you just did that! Sang that beautiful fucking song, just when I thought I could forget about you. Fuck you, for making this hard." And I haven't determined yet if I should stop listening to it altogether.
The solution at times to this pity fest, is God and alcohol. Though they do not go together, in my mind and in my home, they often do.
No comments:
Post a Comment