The 43rd Year

I've been wanting to write. But I don't know what to say. It's not like I don't feel anything, or I have stopped thinking about him. I have not. Thankfully. I think about him more just before his birthday and on the day of. I cannot wean myself off this man. Not at all. It's more of a reserved, words cannot express what it is I feel composure that comes over me, and for the 43rd year, I still feel the same. Even in my quiet today I have wondered, what is he doing, is he having fun, dining alone, with loved ones, having sex, laughing his head off, or just sitting wondering, smoking, taking in the day, and thinking softly, "What do I do, what can I do?" It's the 43rd year of his life, and I still feel the same. There are times when I feel maybe my love will take a break, take a breather, and I won't feel the same, then I remember the gentle feeling that cuts through me when I see him, when he speaks, when I hear the mere mention of his name, and then I think this is not going to stop. Do I want it to stop? This is what I am and it remains with me.

Hey you, if you love when you love, hope she is something like me, even if it's just a little. It will make me feel better about this unrequited love that has stayed with me longer than I've known, it's made me compare the real ones to you and how they fail to come close. Hope she comes close. And if you stop to wonder today, who am I and wonder if anyone ever really remembers that it's my birthday today, or what is my mission, or all those useless things that our minds cause us to wonder on our birthday, just stop and think, there's someone out of your reach, thinking simply, just thinking, wondering, why for the 43rd year, she can't seem to quit you.

It's the 43rd year. Do you know where your crush is? Mine is 43 today and to that I say Happy Birthday KR? For that which you are, you will always remain, an obsession to me, so much so.