same time every year

At this time last year, I stopped to ponder my future. 

I asked God for some direction in it, and I prayed that I would get some kind of profound direction, some guide to lead me to the path that I seek. It always seems that by this time in the year, with a new year just beginning I always ponder my future, I often wonder why God has forgotten me. I may not have any kids, or pending responsibilities, but I represent that lone sheep that the shepherd abandoned all the other 99 sheep for and went to seek in the wilderness. Why can't He stop trying to solve world peace, helping the Obamas, the Lindsey's, and all my friends that are rich, professionally and personally, why can't he abandon those 99 sheep and stop for a wee second to help poor Anita?

That's just my take, selfish as it may be. I have waited a really long time. :(

Today I sighted this course in Switzerland in Human Rights Law that I would love to take and for a few seconds I asked God for the will and opportunity to live in Europe. Then I went to my favorite store Anthropologie with the European inspired fashions and pretended that I was in Europe somewhere. Yes, I would love to live in Europe. I would love to study and major in Human Rights law and help achieve world peace...or at least world unity. Yes, Human Rights for personal reasons it is one of the few areas of law that resounds in me, that seems like an effort in achieving my life's voice, in speaking for people that have been stifled. 

And yes of course, Europe...To live and love simply, tour cafes and their rich history and architecture and not be consumed by capitalism, gigantic malls and family friendly contraptions like I am right now. That is my dream, my prayer. They say if you have a prayer write it down, make it as specific as possible because God has a way of going by your specifics. So I am writing it down in this here journal. This is what I want. I am done with corporate law, helping companies achieve their profit goals and having to live through another Xmas without a single corporate bonus for my troubles. 

I want Europe with their small streets and their EU Directives and Regulations, and snooty accents and cobblestone streets, tiny homes and Human Rights, mainly Human Rights. Europe has made wonderful advances in Human Rights that there would be no better place to study it than over there. I love America. I loved America. But I am over it. I am sorry.  I am so over it. And this is what I want. When I lived in Europe everyone I met wanted to live in America, I wonder if they feel the same now. I didn't then. I was indifferent. And I still don't. Not unless Obama changes my mind in some way. 

So that is my New Year 2009 prayer, that in some way God would stop for a wee second to help me, the lone sheep, achieve my life goal. And I promise some good deed along the way.  

That's it and that's all.