Islands in the Sun

I've been away. 

After the Negro nightmare that ruined my Christmas how could I not. I managed it through Christmas with the aid of YouTube and the very nice people who had the time and the decency to upload some action movies for my viewing pleasure. I don't know if they thought of this lonely gal out here in Nigeria without a TV but I thank them because they saved my psyche over the Christmas holidays.

On the 28th I asked a friend of mine if I could pop over to his beachside resort for a little R &R for New Years. I had spent all day looking through all the celeb Instagram pics, inundated with how happy their lives are especially as they get to ring in the New Year at the Beach (in Thailand, Miami, St. Barts, etc, you name it). It just made me think, "The Beach would be nice. Yes…let's go to the beach." 

So I did.

I tried not to think of so many things while I was out there. I just wanted to give myself a chance to relax, breathe and do yoga while watching the waves. This broken hearted gal needed to exhale, damnit! When I got there on Tuesday there was an end of year party for the hotel staff so this was their chance to chop and party the night away. Seeing some old faces with lots of food and free booze offered me the opportunity that I had been waiting on all Christmas to let my hair down. We stayed up until 3 am talking for 3 nights straight - 30th, 31st, and of course, 1st. I didn't want to come home but I had to. I didn't want to overstay my welcome. Everything was complimentary, the food, the copious amounts of booze, the accommodation. It was all on the house as I was termed, a "friend of the family." I just felt like some royalty but I still didn't want to milk that shit.

Highlights of my 3 day stay in beachside heaven: The party on the 30th of course, seeing all my old friends from my 20's, chatting with some musicians about their travel around Africa, the little nuances they encountered (I heard Kenya is the place to be), walking on the beach every morning, yoga on the morning of New Years Eve on the penthouse lounge overlooking the ocean, sun salutations up there never felt better, watching the fireworks display from the penthouse, seeing how simple the villagers ring in the New Year - giddy, simple and hopeful - inadvertently splitting a bottle of Vodka with my new friends on New Years Day that had us talking (and sharing gossip) until 2AM, and then, sharing a 2 bottles of red wine on the 2nd as I tore myself from their presence. 

I needed that time alone with myself and I got it. I needed time to retreat into myself so I could talk myself out of making bad decisions. I needed time to calm the fuck down. I needed time to see the humor in letting my emotions get the better of me. I needed time to hear myself breathe while the ocean attempted to answer my questions. I had a little moment of weakness on the 30th when it seemed as if the negativity from the mainland had followed me to my Beach getaway. But then my friends were there, there was love, chatter, laughter and fun, all that's needed to destroy negativity and stop it dead in its tracks. 

As I came home, seemingly refreshed and on my island/vacation high, I realized soon enough that you cannot run away from your problems. You can take a break (quick gasp) from them but they still exist somewhere, tugging at you. Sometimes I think, "Will there ever come a time Negro will no longer have that effect on me?" I don't know. I think, "Will there be a time I will be strong enough to be silent and maintain the silence, not ask any questions of him (of which there are never any answers) not pry or poke?" or "Will there ever come a time I shall stop asking myself, why? Why him? Why now? Why did it happen?" Will I ever figure that out?

I couldn't leave all my problems on the Island or in 2014, but I came darn well close. The good news is, I now have my own personal beach photos to share on Instagram!

Sunset on the 30th from the Gazebo

Me thinking: Am I really here?

View from Penthouse suite

New Years Day Sunset - 2015

Next time, we'll do things different. We'll live more, We'll laugh more, we'll see the world. Just don't be so afraid ~~~~~

I plan to do just that....

Happy New Year