Today, Valentine's Day 2015 was hard, so hard. This weekend was hard. It started from yesterday Friday to today, Saturday, D-Day, Val's day. After going through an emotionally hurtful Christmas of which I am yet to fully recover, I really could have used Valentine being a couple of months further away or cancelled due to the elections like it was supposed to be. But once the elections were postponed, Val's Day became imminent and started looming over my head like a huge cross.
I just went through this stillness, this quiet. No one calling, no one texting, no one on the other line checking for me. I was as they say, "no longer relevant." The silence was palpable. Almost deafening. Very hurtful. Is this what life is going to be like here in Lagos?
I'm surrounded by childhood friends, old classmates, relatives, lovers, every one who knew Anita before she became Anita, but yet I couldn't find one person to spare a little of their time to spend Val's day or a portion of it with me. I got so overwhelmed with emotions I just got dressed and left the house and went to church to seek solace with God, maybe He has the answers, because I sure don't.
People don't know that 5 minutes makes a difference. 5 minutes of your undivided attention to ask me about me, and look at me. I don't want your non-personalised gift, I don't want money. I want you to want to be with me. Crazy, childish, delusional, psycho-analyst Anita that I am, but I still want you to be with me, to want to spend time with me. And if you don't, I pray for the strength, seek the Almighty's Hand to give me the strength to walk away from anything or anyone who doesn't appreciate me for who I am, who doesn't want to help me quench this resounding loneliness. Because if you don't want to help me in my time of need then why do I really like you? Why am I punishing myself by liking you?
Today was exceptionally hard. Almost as hard as Christmas. I pray we can turn things around soon. We have to.
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