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Being single has its perks. What's not to love? You got You all to yourself. Solo decision maker, lover, friend, confidante and soulmate to your self. You. All you. You're fabulous and you're single. Boom!
Underneath those devilishly awesome you moments, are those moments when you just want to yell: "STOP. I don't want to be single anymore." I think I have reached one of those valleys, one too many times. The valleys come and go. However, my life is filled with fulfilling highs when I am overwhelmed with myself and my goodness that I don't really need that male psycho babble drama. I am Anita, Sheba of her own forest zone, ready to break down all the little cubs. I see couples fight and squabble and I just smirk, wondering how lucky I am that I don't have to deal with all that. How can I? I am Anita...Queen Sheba of her own Amazon. So quickly in between my Sheba moments that I own, the valley creeps in and I succumb. My soft self just wants to scream, FIND ME A MAN. I want to plan my weekends with someone, make someone happy, or mad, wake up and look at someone's annoying face, let my decisions (momentarily) revolve around someone else. There are those salient moments. But then I power through it. And relish the moments when I can be fat and not have someone else be judgmental, I can be "ugly" and not feel like in those "ugly" moments I am disappointing someone. I can be sad and not have someone make me think I cannot have this moment to sulk. You can have all those self-fulfilled and self aware moments too. You can own your "Queen (or King) of Sheba Amazon" too.
Underneath those devilishly awesome you moments, are those moments when you just want to yell: "STOP. I don't want to be single anymore." I think I have reached one of those valleys, one too many times. The valleys come and go. However, my life is filled with fulfilling highs when I am overwhelmed with myself and my goodness that I don't really need that male psycho babble drama. I am Anita, Sheba of her own forest zone, ready to break down all the little cubs. I see couples fight and squabble and I just smirk, wondering how lucky I am that I don't have to deal with all that. How can I? I am Anita...Queen Sheba of her own Amazon. So quickly in between my Sheba moments that I own, the valley creeps in and I succumb. My soft self just wants to scream, FIND ME A MAN. I want to plan my weekends with someone, make someone happy, or mad, wake up and look at someone's annoying face, let my decisions (momentarily) revolve around someone else. There are those salient moments. But then I power through it. And relish the moments when I can be fat and not have someone else be judgmental, I can be "ugly" and not feel like in those "ugly" moments I am disappointing someone. I can be sad and not have someone make me think I cannot have this moment to sulk. You can have all those self-fulfilled and self aware moments too. You can own your "Queen (or King) of Sheba Amazon" too.
Carrie said something magical in Sex and The City's momentous series finale, she said:
One of the most important relationships one ever has in life, is their relationship with themselves.
I believe in that so much. I believe it is the most faithful and endearing relationships one is privileged to have and one that is too easily pushed to the side by a glimpse of love or an idea of a union. Something that women (most especially) sacrifice so easily, something that should be at the core of our being. In some contexts I think it makes me the most selfish person on this earth, the fact that I cannot sacrifice my personal wants, and needs for the sake of a union, and some ways it means, that I hold that personal grip on my heart so tightly so as to lessen the number of times I get to stare at a grieving lover and think of that as the image of myself...once upon a time. That's what gets me over those lull moments. My freedom. The fullness in what I have become and the endearing relationship I have with myself.
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