Promises You'll Never Keep...

Feel the need to do a repeat of my own words today.

I find that I promise myself to do or not do certain things but I still fail to keep them. Promises to yourself should be the utmost promises. But not for me, I just seem to fall into them. So I'm going to try this, and hope it works.

From this day, November 30th, 2015 I promise myself the following:

1. Not to discuss my personal relationships with anyone. Friends, family, no one. 
2. Not send any profound texts, or emails, or wordy notes to anyone. 
3. Not to be wordy. Monosyllable is the name of the game. 
4. Not to respond or answer every text, call, Whatsapp or BBM. 
5. Not to show people that I'm angry or hurt. 
6. Not to text anyone first thing in the morning, or on a Sunday. PRAY FIRST. 
7. When someone infuriates me. Treat them as if they don't exist. With each word, smile and keep silent. The silence will confuse them.

I promised myself these same things October 2014. I never got around to keeping them. So here we are again, November 2015. 

The weird thing is that I know what I need to do. I am just afraid to do it. I wouldn't say the word is "afraid" it's I don't know if it's possible. I would rather have the opposite. Or maybe possible is not the right word either. It's more of it's beyond me. I cannot do it. I have tried and it doesn't work. The alternative doesn't work and the present doesn't work. So if neither of them work then what gives? Why has this subsisted for 18 months? I keep wondering so what did I do to deserve this...

Am incapable of resetting. Incapable of stopping even though it is the best thing to do. Incapable of understanding that this person does not want to be with me, not now, not ever. Incapable of understanding why even though it is so, we still find each other wrestling. Incapable of keeping my emotions in check. I'm just incapable of being an adult. Be economical with your emotional investments in an uncommitted relationship and keep your options open. A wise person once told me that...why can't I be that wise, and grown?

In addition to these 7, I promise these two:

1. To forgive and pray to forget.
2. To try to give the impossible a chance.

Live it day by day.