It's been a year since I made the post - A Girl Walks Into a Bar. A Whole Year.
Since that time I've been walking (and drinking) in bars all over Lagos and Abuja, hoping my emphatic presence would somehow sway prejudices. I'd like to say that the mindset of gentlemen everywhere towards single women seated at bars has changed in the past year but as a matter of fact it has not. It has substantially stayed the same. Not worse but the same. Sometimes it hits you when you least expect it that, "Wait, I'm a woman and I cannot sit at a bar or lounge alone just because it gives everyone the wrong impression. What a cross I bear along with all the others women have to bear. What an unnecessary cross."Who created that cross? Culture. Society. Men?
It's so easy to blame men. But did we women encourage these prejudices by letting them relegate us to...the kitchen?! By shunning the bar and considering that sinful place only men are permitted to go.
Just the other day whilst on a business trip at corporate lodging in a hotel across the street from EKO Hotel Lagos, I, being the green living woman that I am, walked across to EKO Hotel for dinner. As I made my way through the gate, an uncouth slouchy "market-woman" woman that had been placed at the gate stopped me. I thought she wanted to go through my bag, but instead she stated in her broken English: "We do not allow single women or unaccompanied women to go to the restaurant or bar."
I was dressed in casual jeans and a tee-shirt. In no country does this qualify as "hooker gear." I asked again, "What did you just say?" And she repeated herself. This time emphatic that it was management's rules. I offered to show her my business card but she rejected it. Probably unable to read. I wondered for a brief second if it would make a difference if I got into a cab and drove in through the gate as opposed to walking in. Why waste the money? If she had her instructions to keep single women out of their establishment can you imagine what the mindset of management and other patrons would be? I sucked it up, downtrodden and walked back to my hotel. Feeling defeated for all single women out there.
Single women - we have our work cut out for us. It is a long road filled with a lot of prejudiced men (and women!), loved ones included. We need to decide if this is a fight worth continuing or accepting defeat. As my feminist aunt would say, "Don't date a man who wants to keep you in his kitchen." Women are meant for a lot more. We mean more to society so we should enjoy the rights and privileges of society sans prejudices. I've just had one entire year of trying to convince my African friends and loved ones of this right which according to them is nonexistent and is not applicable to African women. Why? Because it's just not done...in our society.
Right now, I am on the fence bruised from a bloodied fight.
It's so easy to blame men. But did we women encourage these prejudices by letting them relegate us to...the kitchen?! By shunning the bar and considering that sinful place only men are permitted to go.
Just the other day whilst on a business trip at corporate lodging in a hotel across the street from EKO Hotel Lagos, I, being the green living woman that I am, walked across to EKO Hotel for dinner. As I made my way through the gate, an uncouth slouchy "market-woman" woman that had been placed at the gate stopped me. I thought she wanted to go through my bag, but instead she stated in her broken English: "We do not allow single women or unaccompanied women to go to the restaurant or bar."
I was dressed in casual jeans and a tee-shirt. In no country does this qualify as "hooker gear." I asked again, "What did you just say?" And she repeated herself. This time emphatic that it was management's rules. I offered to show her my business card but she rejected it. Probably unable to read. I wondered for a brief second if it would make a difference if I got into a cab and drove in through the gate as opposed to walking in. Why waste the money? If she had her instructions to keep single women out of their establishment can you imagine what the mindset of management and other patrons would be? I sucked it up, downtrodden and walked back to my hotel. Feeling defeated for all single women out there.
Single women - we have our work cut out for us. It is a long road filled with a lot of prejudiced men (and women!), loved ones included. We need to decide if this is a fight worth continuing or accepting defeat. As my feminist aunt would say, "Don't date a man who wants to keep you in his kitchen." Women are meant for a lot more. We mean more to society so we should enjoy the rights and privileges of society sans prejudices. I've just had one entire year of trying to convince my African friends and loved ones of this right which according to them is nonexistent and is not applicable to African women. Why? Because it's just not done...in our society.
Right now, I am on the fence bruised from a bloodied fight.
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