End of year...Awakening

Paris Streets at Midnight

As the year ended I had to find a way to settle into myself, into me, the subtlety of me. I could only do that by going on vacation as I normally do, take a trip for the last week in the year. It required a little juggling around, a lot of unexpected expenses and a lot of pampering but I was still able to swing it. And I'm glad I did. 

I had a good time. But for a couple of mishaps here and there and the almost 4 hour wait at the airport to get back. It was a swell time. My first time being in Lagos with some change in my pocket, not a whole lot, but enough to keep me entertained and sponsor myself. You never know how good it feels for you to sponsor yourself with a drink, a dress, a perfume, a fancy meal here and there. An occasional splurge is just what the doctor ordered every time for moments when you are unsure of yourself. Women don't know there's so much power in that. 

What is my summary of 2015:

Regardless of what I posted here and there and in reading them you may have come up with your own summary of my flailing psyche, my summary remains that in every thing you should always stay humble, stay hungry and trust God for your miracle, for your strength, for a way to explain away the chaos, for calm and most especially, for comfort. He's the reason I made it through 2015 smiling bigger and brighter than when I entered it, and He will be the reason I make it through 2016 even better. 

2016:

Whenever a new year starts I am not as overtly optimistic as the rest of the world. Perhaps it's my cynical "glass half empty" mentality, I don't know. But there's always some reservation on my part, "Oh wow, what's this year gonna bring on me this time around?" I murmur to myself amidst the jubilant choruses of Happy New Year. New Years are hard...economy is in flux, new governments usually come onboard with laws that wreck the equilibrium, everyone's broke from the Holidays, it's just a very sparse time. It's only till the summer that the year starts getting its own groove. For me, 2015 was just like that. I went through many lonely moments, periods where I couldn't process what I was feeling, numbness at times and just plain anger. 

I pray those moments slowly ebb away this new year. I pray to understand what to do at those times. Most especially, God help us all.