Becky has Good Hair

Men always settle for the conventional. 

There always seems to be a market for conventional, plain women. 

You know, the conventional woman. The women who are good homemakers, no hair out of place, agreeable, no talk back or questions asked to their actions, absolutely no cursing, good sex but nothing adventurous, pretty, fixed smile, straight teeth, streamlined hips, a good job but not a demanding career that takes them away from the home, nice family upbringing, loves kids, and is a masterful chef of all the cuisines - native and international. 

The conventional woman.

The quintessential Girl-Next-Door. There is never a dearth of them because men never tire of them. Pick any guy who's a player once he's tired of playing around, he looks around for the most conventional girlfriend on his list, marries her and settles down to a bunch of babies. 

I can categorically say that everyone of my exes ended up with one of such women. As I returned to Nigeria, they are 8 - 10 years into the marriage, a couple of kids in and they are all miserable. They're sitting in their conventional perfect little lives longing for the risk, the danger, the spontaneity, the fire in their belly, the magnetism. All of which cannot be found with the conventional women they ended up with. They growl and complain that life (and sex) is like experiencing the same soup day after day. No matter how they try to stir their wives from normalcy, the women still just want to be good wives and mothers, and feel content enough doing that every day. And in some way the men are happy that the women are as such and they don't try to force them to be anything else. So the hunt continues as they try to balance their home life with some excitement. 

If you look at all the women who, like me, are a little older and still single you'd find that they are not conventional, not in any way. We are adventurous, own our sexuality, comfortable in our bodies, pseudo feminists who believe in equality and a life away from the kitchen, occasional random cursing, and we want a career, a demanding profession that we can try to work into some work/life balance. We tip the scales. Sometimes when I look at all the notes of conventionalism it reassures me why I don't want a marriage per se. I don't want to fit into that mold where he looks at me as if I was picked for my ability to squeeze into a cardboard cutout, to fit the mold. I want to be alive, fresh, loud, hair out of place, no makeup, bold, adventurous, with my child-bearing hips and thick thighs. 

We sacrifice so many relationships due to our inability to conform and as each one finds their way to some conventional woman, I suppose we will have to keep sacrificing some more... 

As the famous line in Dirty Dancing says..."Nobody puts baby in a corner."

Or as Beyonce says..."Go call Becky with the good hair." 

As for me, my hair is frizzy and in twisted knots. And...I like it that way. 

Photo Credit: Unknown.