Operator, Can I Check My Partner's Phone

Do you check your partner's phone? Your significant other - man or woman? Do you find yourself moved to spying on their phone?

I do. I've sadly been guilty of that "relationship crime." So charge me. Send me to the relationship police. I, Anita Writes, occasionally check my partner's phone.

But don't we all? At least at some point in our lives. Some will choose to call it a low point, but I beg to differ. Don't we all check our partner's phones?

My ideal relationship - and I say this as a single optimistic quite unrealistic woman - my ideal relationship is one in which your partner and you are open and honest and have no secrets between you - at least no lies between you. You don't need to lie, you can be open and vulnerable to your partner.

The older I have gotten as I search for this ideal I have realized, sadly, that it is just that, an ideal. No one wants to be open about ish with another person. They all want to have their little secrets that only they can decide if they can share with you. Whenever I notice my lover slipping away into this person that feels the need to hide their phone from me the moment I walk away from the room, I am instinctually put on notice about their loyalty, and from this distrust builds the need to check the phone. Admittedly, I may be overreacting but still. 

So forgive me. I am guilty as charged. I have checked the phone. On more than one occasion actually. And given the same scenario as I was faced with I may do so again. Maybe. 

I keep thinking about all these women in history who had no inkling that their husbands were serial killers, pedophiles, possibly even terrorists. By our nature, humans all have a dark existentialism, an alternate to the person that we share with the world. If only these women had snooped around a little deeper, hadn't placed so much trust in what their partners said, if they had exercised their right to be curious, they and we would have been all the better for it.

That's my excuse and I stand by it today.

Checking the phone isn't pretty. It stands to date as an interesting relationship experience one of the most devastating relationship events in my life (Oh wait, there have been others, so scratch that). It was not rewarding instead it was rather revelatory, forcefully unmasking the shield for both of us. There was some regret but if the openness and honesty that I had craved had stayed perhaps I would never have felt the urge to so react. I regret it somewhat. Some information you really don't need to know. 

Which side are you on? Would you rather be open, honest and vulnerable to your partner, or would you rather let them fish for clues to understanding who you really are?

I checked the phone. You probably should too.

But get your heart medication ready...just in case. Warning - Phone Content may be hazardous to your health.