Life Gets in the Way

I used to write a lot. 

About anything and everything. 

About my life. My personal journey of dating, love, loss, stupidity, struggles of accepting my new environment, frustration with certain paths my life is taking. My adventures. My travels. The adventures in getting lost I would experience during my trips. The conversations. With people I would never meet again. The joys of being part of something new. 

Name it I would write. Sometimes meaningful, oft poetic. Occasionally rambling. And then fawning over someone, some place or some thing. Inasmuch as it seemed pointless at some time, because no one was reading, I wasn't writing them to any one or for any one, it was mainly for me. For my thoughts. A moment to clear my head of all the randomness that had accumulated in it since the last time I released them through words. They were merely words. More Words. And Words all the same. 

These days. I do not write. I cannot write. I try to write but I can't. Asides from a fruitless nonsensical treatise to my ex-lover about something that has escaped my mind right now, I do not write. In hindsight maybe it was my thirst for finding a vehicle to write about that caused me to inundate him with words, endless, pointless, stupid words. 

Really wish I could write regardless. Not necessarily due to him. But cause of my thoughts, about my life. It's been sapped of creativity. The fight to stay afloat in Nigeria, the endless thirst-quenching run leads you to obsessing about what you need to do differently to make ends, no matter how far apart they may seem, meet. More often, I'm always running, always competing with no one against the attainment of my dreams and unflinching need to be happy. Every quest is a chance to ask myself: Does this align with our quest for happiness? Is this introducing negativity or positivity into my life? Such an endless hapless thrill ride that has nothing, absolutely nothing to do, with creativity.  

It's that quest, the endless run that crushes whatever zest to create that I have left.

....Continuation of my "Why Do We Run?" series...