I'm at home sick. I couldn't go into work today---and NO, it's not because Kaui is on vacation and I suspect maybe he is on his honeymoon right about now---I am just ill, my head feels heavy and my eyes feel sore and my nose is all runny.

I had this long ass post about how people in this country hardly do anybody any favors but I am too tired to type it up. I mentioned it to my sister last night and she was said, that was too much of a generalized staement, but it is a fact.

Ever since I moved into this country, (some 2 years ago) everyone I've asked, including my own family, to help me go out of their way to help me, has had a NO given to me in response.

Can you give me a ride? NO
Can I get a cell phone? NO, you do not have credit.
Can I order this stuff with your credit card and pay you cash? NO
Can you help me get a connection on the inside to get a job? NO
I am calling about the ad at...? NO, the position has been filled.
Can I get a car? NO, you have to have credit, and insurance and a host of other bullshit things I really don't want to talk about
I could go on and on...I can actually quite remember the times people have said YES more than they've said NO.
Or sometimes, they go with the, "I can't make you any promises" bullshit line and run out on you. Fucking lunatics.

There is always something, some sub clause, some restriction, some bullshit reason, some background specification. Yes, where I come from if you wanna buy a car, you take your cash walk into the showroom and buy the fucking car you want and walk out with it, drive it home with you. Don't you wish buying a car was that easy here?

Now, I know why there is a heavy rate of suicides, nobody gives a shit about anyone here. All they care about is themselves and the Law that has made life here so rigid that I wonder where exactly does the "free country" term fit in.

Yesterday, I was semi stranded so I call this girl I work with to give me a ride, considering that she lives so close to where I work, is much younger than me and said she had a fight with her ex, I figured it wouldn't be a problem, we could hang out, and have some girly shat to soothe her pain. She said NO, of course, (well she used the no promises bullshit line) that she'd rather go fight some more with her ex than get words of wisdom from her new older friend, that is me.

I have resigned my fate that, yes, I may take the red pill at some point and move to some other country which through research shows that the people love each other genuinely, this one isn't for me, I maintain that view. I give it until the end of this year and if I don't make any real friends, or people are not as forthcoming as life and love expects them to be, then there is no point hoping for a miracle.

I can't live without love, without the love of friendship, without the love of sacrifice from one's friends, family and sometimes foes. It is not life, this can't be living,I'd much rather die than live like this. This is all too pretentious love-dovey for me.

Note: This is one of those posts, I really don't want to get a response on, I just want everyone to just sit back and think about it everytime they say NO to anything they could have said YES to.