I saw "Hardball" last night. You know the baseball movie with Keanu Reeves and a bunch of kids in it. It was my Easter present to myself. Sat in front of the TV in my room with a cold Fosters, and the rewind button.

The result:

I just want to say that everyone involved in making that movie deserves to be blasted.


The kids were such horrible actors. I know they picked unknowns and taught them a little acting but geez! could they pick unknowns that could ACT by any chance.

The screenplay sucked gas, at a point you start to wonder, "oh where is this pathetic loser storyline going now?"

And then, the director, I feel like dragging him to NYFA with me. He doesn't deserve to direct a wide production movie, he should probably try some independent stuff a lot and only when he's mastered it, can we let him direct stars like Keanu. A heroic feel-good baseball movie should not be left in the hands of amateurs.

Then, Keanu's acting. I have to flaw him. Sometimes I feel like locking him up in a room with young good actors like Edward Norton, Ethan Hawke, Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, etc just so he can know which fucking depth he should reach into when he plays emotional roles. Sometimes, I think his spine is cut off, he doesn't feel, or loosen up as much as I would expect him to and then he keeps falling for this pathetic loser screenplays (Sweet November) just to come up short on the emotional content department.

However, I can't flaw him too much. Gotta give my big ups to a white man reciting Biggie's lyrics.

"Throw yer hands in the air, and who's a true playa....I see some ladies tonight who should be having my baby, baby."

That scene should go down in Keanu history books as just incredulous.


But the movie did have its perks. I dreamt about him all night. So instead of waking up alone and horny like has normally been the case every fucking day for 2 years, I woke up simultaneously horny and sitting on his thighs, asking him to make love to me.

His reply was simple: Gladly
I guess that was my April's Fool.