I took the day off work today. I woke up and I just didn’t feel liking face another day in there. I have been having that feeling a lot lately and it’s quite unlike me, since I live for work not relaxation, I have certainly had enough of that to last me a lifetime. However, today I wanted to send out the application to the degree external in the UK and I need to sit down and write the personal statement and just coordinate. I didn’t sleep in though I just got up and sat to it in front of me my computer and typed away. I had very frustrating time tring to send that application today.
I went to the bank and asked to buy foreign currency and they stare at me as if I am asking for Iraqi currency, or I was some strange relation of Bin Laden. I just found it so shocking, sometimes I think where have I landed, and have I actually landed in the right place, that instead of civilization I am given the opposite, instead of the keys to a modern world I am faced with a world afraid to take that step to civilization even when they can. I felt so frustrated I wanted to scream just yell out loud. Why is living so hard? Why does every single step I want to take to make my life better have to be so hard, I would accept one or two things as hard but not every single thing just becoming a pile of shit dropping on top of me. I am pathetic bothering on near psychotic, I am evading work and what’s next? I came home and thought maybe I should ask for numbers for shrinks now. Yes, I said it because I am losing my mind, my psychological wellness is depleting and I fear I may shrivel and not want to leave the house soon, like the kind of feeling that came over me today.
My life, my mess, it continues…
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