these three things

Two things I ask of myself when I get off work:

Read, and Exercise.

But all of a sudden achieving those two things seem almost impossible. Especially within the time frame of 6pm to 11 pm, the "me" time when I get off work. It's either my brain is too tired from looking at the computer all day and I just do not want to use that to look at a book, or my body feels like lying down, or I am just thinking of twenty million things at the same time and I just do not feel like reading. It's been only three days and already I lack motivation. I know why I am doing it, I just don't know or believe it is the solution I need. The cure for my job angst. The purple pill to my despair. I don't believe in it enough at this point, and the more I sit with it and let it ponder and ponder, the more it just aggravates me.

If no one has faith in you, you have to have in yourself. It feels good to study. I feel my brain opening up when I read. I just do not feel like it is the piano lesson to my lack of musical skills.

Every day I go to work there, I feel as if I am the key grip to some asshole director. The key grip that doesn't even get a mention at the credits, you know. What a crock of shit.

I had something else to write about, but I just can't seem to remember it now.

Oh, I will redo this main page sometime soon. The layout's been the same since I started this journal. Now, that blog is so big now, I have to look good for my "audience".

Oh, the heading said, three things. The third thing, I guess is hope. Hope that conjurs up motivation, that makes up my belief, that simmers my angst, and lets know it is going to be all right.