celebrate

I feel like celebrating but there's nothing really to celebrate. Except that Keanu gets his star on the Hollywood walk of Fame Tomorrow at 11:30/2:30 my time, and that is about it. So in between my Monday in worker's hell, he shall be surrounded by adoring fans, the press and everyone else, beaming from ear to ear at his name embedded on the sidewalk. But then, that is his achievement not mine. I didn't pen any of those scripts, or give him any word of encouragement whatsoever, so I really don't have so much cause to celebrate an achievement I had/have no part of. But I can't help feeling like, maybe something is up. Maybe I should be happier but I am not.

I just bought my flight tickets to the Harvard Business Conference on the same weekend Keanu's movie opens. So I will be freezing my butt off in Boston with twenty million snubbish Harvard grads, as opposed to sitting in my apartment wishing I was somewhere else. Isn't that an improvement? I feel like if I dont do something about my life soon, something just may go wrong, like I am in this constant state of stasis, you know. Cryostasis. Maybe that's why I feel like shouting, letting loose, screaming, moving around, just doing something really. But there has been no good news in any of my fronts whatsoever. I am still searching for a job. Every Sunday I browse the dailies online and all the jobs posted always seem so way ahead of me. When I was a year old at this they wanted 2 plus years, now I am 2 years old, everyone wants 3 plus years. You can never win in this game. Maybe that's part of what depresses me about my state. Like I am just trying to "switch seats on the titanic" when I need to be jumping ship, so to speak.

I still haven't zeroed in on my need to celebrate at 6pm on a Sunday. I had a little nap today, which hardly ever happens. I spent the weekend indoors, as it snowed (why it would choose the weekend no one knows) and I read. A little less than last week but with a little more determination this time. I guess that was the extraordinary thing, reading, thinking, watching Keanu movies non-stop, cleaning my house. I don't know what it was about how I conducted my affairs this weekend that makes me feel like celebrating.

Perhaps I am on the verge of something that I do not know about, and I should probably start early, way early to give God thanks just so when it happens I can say, thank you Father. Perhaps not, because I have had this feeling before and I've come out of it with no good news, no cause celebre and nothing worth shouting the roof tops down for. I just don't know why they come over me. But I can say it is better than the sudden urge to cry which I get ever so often.

Well, to KR I am inspired that you've achieved this milestone in your career, especially for personal reasons that just inspires and gives me chance to hope some more on the impossible. I wish I were there, I hope that someday I shall meet you and you will turn out to be this great big asshole and just make me feel good about not ending up with you instead of this charming wonderful human being I have thought you up to be. I don't know maybe that would help. But I shall celebrate on your behalf, even if it is from afar. I shall.