February 1st

And another month starts.

This is my 11th month at uninteresting job. After this time what do I really have to say, it's been the longest 11 months of my life and I have spent more money in trying to get a career, get a life, and find myself this past 11 months than I have in my entire life. Let's see: I started school, even though I don't know why, I question my motive everyday that's why I can't even tell anybody why or what I am doing. I moved apartments, that was a good plus. I am taking a trip to Boston in couple of weeks, to hopefully make some connections careerwise and personal wise, and then, add to that all the money I spent on gas etc, going on all those interviews across Atlana.

So that is basically my life in 11 months. The good bits. It doesn't feel like much and it doesn't look like it's going anywhere, but this is my life and I am still here. Even though I am not sure why.

I saw a still of Keanu from his Hollywood Walk of Fame unveiling yesterday. The smile on his face, radiant, the suit, impeccable handsomeness. I was just awed by it. I don't get awed by him often but this was a good one. The suit and the smile did it. The haircut added to it too. And that tie, geez, brotha got a stylist just for the occasion. He just went all out to look good and that impressed me mucho. I couldn't function for about one hour after that, I was in a love dizzy haze.

No explanations. I'll just leave it at that. Sometimes two people start on a path and one person goes one way and the other chooses another, and somehow in their journey they don't really end up where they want to be. I ask myself that a lot these days, "where was the road I was supposed to be heading to, and where was the point where I changed course and chose another. Is this the destine course, and has the last 11 months shown just how on track I am. Can I retrace my steps, is it too late to go back?"

Like I said, I couldn't do a thing for an hour this morning.

It is going to be a long month.