Sunday Blues

Nothing productive yet. It's been one of those unproductive weekends yet again.

The review at work was not bad. It was actually the best I have ever received in my entire professional life. But the raise was deplorable. It surprises me how I can get a "Below Expectations" and still get a 3% raise and $1000 bonus, like I did at the pharmaceutical company 2 years ago, and this time I got an "Achieves Expectations" with a 3.5% raise and no bonus!

It's like the motivation to become a better employee just sort of flew away when she showed me the stats. And I like money. The only reason why I work hard and get all these degrees it to make enough money to enjoy this life, to spend the money on shopping, fine dining, cultural activities, etc. So when you take away that motivation, I don't how else I would be vested in helping the company make more money when I don't share in the fruit of my labor. Anyway, that is too deep for a Sunday afternoon. It just irked the fuck out of me. On the one hand I don't want to put in lacklustre work and let this one good rating I have ever gotten lax, but I just don't know if I can keep up being a good employee and swallowing everyone's shit if it's not going to "pay my government."

I just think the economy is having a heavy hit on companies in the U.S. in general. Just before this review there was a round of layoffs. I don't know if they timed it perfectly just so no matter how sucky the review went you'd be happy just to have your job. I think that was essentially their plan. And you are sitting thinking, at least I still get to work unlike those people who have to hit the pavement lookng for work.

This is still to heavy for a Sunday. But so be it, my work experience is summarized in work that I don't love to do but have to and hope that I can keep on doing until I figure out what to do.