so what happened?

So what worked about my weekend...I planned it out and everything sort of fell in place. Plus...I met someone. But I haven't heard from him, we haven't shared that much of a conversation and I am sure he has a girlfriend, like every guy in this country, but it's one step. I meet people all the time, some find me attractive enough to speak to me, some I respond to just to be polite and some I just straight up ignore. There must have been something in the air, or maybe it was the new boobs, I do not know but it was a good radar weekend. The men responded to stimulus and I was happy to have them there. So I met this guy yesterday, very nice eyes, very manly, and we shared a sweet hug at the end of the evening. But then that's it, he hasn't called and I am resisting the urge to call him. Sent him some texts this afternoon, I never text, and he responded and then stopped, left my question hanging. So that's what worked about my weekend. Something nice. Hopefully I hear from him. How do I make sure that I hear from him without crowding him, or seeming too desperate? There should be rule books about this kind of stuff. Dating in America...101! If he was that interested he would have called by now...don't you think?

I am just tired of being by myself. Seriously. It is getting ...boring. Boring is the word, not depressing, not lacking of challenge, just boring, like I have something to say to someone, something to share with someone but there's no one to tell. No one to share the good years of my life with. In two months time I turn 34, and it's been the same ole me, from 25 to now. It's getting to be pretty much too much of the same thing.

Whoever it was that I hurt that cursed me that I will never have love, let alone find true love, I am sorry. You've had your fill with me these past nine years, so please I am sorry. I need to find a stop to this. Some method to this oneness. I need to share some good years of my life, of my day with someone. When I was 29 on the cusp of 30, I promised myself that I would have a child at 33, with or without a husband. I just needed to see what was at the other end of the wall, to see what my child would look like, to grow with my child. But alas, I turn 34 in 2 months, needless to say I cannot even find a donating father.

Some method to this oneness.