pre-birthday plans

Today I openly begged my guy friend to reconsider driving with me to Miami to celebrate my birthday during the first week of June. This is the guy from 3 years ago who spent about 4 days in my apartment and nothing happened. That guy! We've kept in touch more or less over the years. I think he still cannot forgive me for giving him blue balls during those 4 days after he drove down from Memphis to spend it with me. But hey, maybe if I did we wouldn't still be friends, you know how these things go.

We've gone on and on about this trip but today I openly begged him to come with me. I really don't want to spend my birthday in Atlanta. One of the best birthdays I have ever had was my 32nd in Philly. It was amazing, everything and more and I still think about it longingly wanting to replay that. Birthdays are meant to be memorable, and you have a whole year to plan that memory. I didn't plan last years so it sucked to high heavens. Birthdays in Atlanta eternally suck. There is always that overwhelming loneliness that overcomes you when you realize you've just added another age and you are still by yourself, doing nothing much. And then, I either burst into tears or have tremendous bouts of self-pity or just go somewhere and drink my sorrows away. I do not want to do either of that this year, pure and simple. It gets worse because this is an age that I cannot relate me and my attitude to - 34. It was hard to call myself 33 and before I could get used to it, 34 is rolling around. How fucked is that?

So now I am putting my request for a vacation trip to Miami during the week of June 2 - 6th in my journal. Hopefully someone reading this will want to drive with me and go enjoy some salsa, much needed beach time and intense debauchery for 5 whole days. Otherwise, I will act all 34 and drive myself there. People my age have teenage sons, so I at least should start acting like them.

There it is. One minute I say I wouldn't beg or make myself readily available to men, next minute I am begging my friend to go on vacation with me. Maybe I should have hinted that it would have benefits. Hmmm..