Anita is Upset!

Anita is upset!

I've been upset all weekend. In some ways I don't know what is upsetting me or what can make me feel better. In some ways I do. I am upset because of a lot of things. I am upset because it's Valentine's week. I am upset because I even care that it is Valentine's week. There was a time when I didn't. At all. I am upset because I am in situations that I cannot change. I am upset because I need to make some difficult decisions and I don't know how to make them. I am upset because I know the outcome of the difficult decisions and I don't know how to determine if they are the right decisions. I am upset because there seems to be some lack of direction in my year so far. I am upset because this is not uncommon.

There is no summary for how I feel except to say simply: I am upset. This is a different kind of feeling from what I've felt before. I had gotten used to feeling numb and pretending that the world around me is a work of fiction that I could manipulate and shut down when needed. Right now, I do care, I am lending my ear to listen to my life pass me by and it's caring too much that is getting me upset.

There is no better way to say it.