Sometime in 2009, when I still lived in Atlanta I tried to use one of those matchmaker services. I don't know why it just came to my head and seemed like a good idea. I did go out a lot at the time and I would meet a lot of people I just never found one that clicked. Maybe the venue was wrong or the people were wrong, it just never worked out. So I thought a matchmaker service who interviews you and the prospects would be a fabulous idea. She would know who would be most suited for you and vice versa. I called one that was based in Atlanta, I had actually passed her office a few times on my way to work, so we played phone tag for awhile until she eventually returned my call.
I put this post up here because people often wonder, how did you get this age and not get married. Or how did you live in America for so long and not find husband. Well, it's not for a lack of trying, like I said, the timing, people, connection often or not ends up all wrong, so I keep looking and the years go by. Then, you re-prioritize, you put other things before finding love, like finding the perfect apartment, perfect job, etc. And before you know it your [insert age here] and still single. There are also times when it seems like a much quieter preserved way to live, one that's not faced with all the drama, one without prejudices like I experienced with this matchmaker.
Finding love is a lot like finding yourself, that version of you that accepts you as you. If you're not sure of you how are you going to know what you're looking for in a person. In those days there was so much uncertainty for me as to who I was...now, not so much.
And now, I don't ever have to use a matchmaker service.
- March 2009
So I had a shit for brains weekend. I should have known it was going to be that way from the moment on Friday morning I called the matchmaker lady at Traditional Matchmakers that I had signed up with a few days earlier to discuss their "matchmaking process." Her first response was..."I don't have any African American clients."
Your point?
Her point was simply, and she found a way to say it so it's not coated with such prejudice: she doesn't have black male clients to date the newly signed up black female client. Like she is trying to make sure the waters don't touch. In my mind, I thought matchmaking went a lot deeper than color, like to personal interests, hobbies, backgrounds, etc. Not necessarily, I don't have black male clients, simple. Trust me, if you had black clients, they may not want to date me. Don't you think I've tried dating them and found out that rarely do we have anything in common. I don't speak ghetto, hence I am not always a match for them.
At that point I was disappointed. I wasn't pissed. Just disappointed. I cannot date outside my race because I don't fit what they are looking for and I cannot date within my race because they don't necessarily sign up with matchmaker services. After going through the craziness of the weekend, and regretfully bumping into this weekend affair filled with black people (it was promoted by a black lady so she kept the theme the same) I just started to think about it, and now I am angry.
I keep wondering what category do I fit into, because surely I don't fit in well with my people. I just stood there thinking, I cannot do this. I can't even strike up a conversation with one of them. The one person I tried to talk to had to skip out on me to go to the restroom. He apparently came there to "network" for work not socialize. This is an event on a Sunday evening. Who is thinking about work?
Every event in Atlanta has a theme. Either the waters don't mix, gender-wise and race-wise. The men stand to one side and admire the ladies who all look so desperate and intrinsically pissed and then, there's Anita. Anita is wondering, why in the world won't the men talk to the women? And the women are all so nicely dressed, like ladies in waiting for the men to talk to them. But they don't. Then, race-wise. It's either filled with one race or the other. Sometimes there's a little sprinkle, a dash here and there. But nothing major. How can that be? Like someone purposely arranged this?
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