Multi-Colored Solo Life

Whenever unmarried people get to a certain age (aka way past their prime), their married friends often feel the need to say to them, "Your life would be so much better if you did..." and then they suggest some modifications which often have to do with identifying specific character flaws, lifestyle flaws, that may be deterring this unmarried person from claiming the throne of marriage.  

I find that very insulting and denigrating. What makes you think my life is not awesome now? 

Yes, I am single. But I am happy. There are joys with being single, just like I am certain there are joys with being married. Don't talk to me in that condescending tone as if God has blessed you with something and deprived me of it because, "Oh gosh, I'm a bad person." I have and continue to live a colorful life. It's a privilege to go through life's pitfalls on your own and still come out swinging. Can you? Don't you always run to your spouse the first chance you get of a hint of a problem and both of you put your heads together to resolve it. I don't have that. I have my brain and I have God and a heart of stone that still keeps me swinging when life hits me. I hit back and I say, "Is that the best you got? I got all night." 

People think your life is in need of help just because you had the balls to stop, turn around and start over, so they say very mean things to you, that you being the "bad" person that you are caused the first stage of your life to disintegrate. Not so. I just wanted and needed a change because I had fallen into a routine...do you have the balls to effect that in your life?

Forgive me, if I chose not to settle for the predictable. Yes, I said it predictable. The white picket fence, marriage and 3 kids before 30, possibly other children after that, the life that seems like a postcard from Hallmark or a Lifetime movie event. I never wanted that. God knew I never wanted that. God knew better than to give me that. I wanted a colorful life...and this is what I have. And I'm pretty certain there are some folks out there who started with the predictable and got out when it seemed too...eh...predictable. And there are probably a few folks out there who want to take the plunge and leave. They are tired of the routines, the school runs, PTA meetings, planned forced vacations, the manicured lawns, husbands making advances at the nanny, etc. There are probably a few folks who are sitting there thinking, "If I could just be as spontaneous and flighty as Anita [or insert your name here]" but they can't, why, because it takes a whole lot of balls to live this colorful life that oftentimes requires you to rely on yourself, and no one else. 

For the past 3 weeks I have been engaging in further study on my day job as a lawyer in The Hague. In that time I've heard quite a few interesting statements made here and there, from people I know, thought I knew and from strangers. Some statements hurt because I let them. And some just got me thinking...so that's what this person thinks of me. In between all that "hate" I did something I haven't done in a long time: I planned an impromptu trip to Brussels for a one night stay. I didn't consult with anyone (except God) and my credit card balance and I just did it. And it felt so good. Most of all, it reminded me of what it is like to be me - this solo life-grabbing, fun-having, adventure seeker Anita that I am. In all the "hate" I had started to loose that person and I am glad I was able to taste that person again and reintroduce myself to her. 

If you want to say or think, "Oh wow, your life could be better..." Go ahead say it. But I think my life is pretty awesome as it is. I give God the glory for everything He's made possible now...and that is about to come. I know He had this plan figured out down pact so He's gonna keep it so multi-colored.