As We Chip Away

Over the weekend, I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and she mentioned quite judgie that "Girl, you need to work on yourself...I see so many flaws."

Whenever people say, “Oh you need to work on yourself?” I tend to agree. But then in my mind I am thinking, “Don’t we all?” Are you saying you’re perfect? Are you saying you’re a better person than myself? Or you’re better in some areas? So am I bad in all areas? And you are not bad in any area whatsoever?

They say it as if to imply, "Work on yourself and the husband (or true love) will come."

So all the people who worked on themselves and achieved an average high score (score in the 90’s) in the individual rector scale are the ones with true love, spouses, what have you? And those of us who average scores, probably in the 60’s, are in search of ourselves and our better versions so true love is evading us until we “improve our score.” Improve your score Anita and Voila, he will show up!

I tend to disagree in general. We all need work. We are all works in progress. We are rolling hills in search of the truth and perfection in life. When I was younger I was more selfish, as I grow older I become less selfish, maybe years from now I will become less talkative, more reserved, less vengeful, striving towards the best version of me. That’s why we go to church, some of us daily. So we can brush up on our faith and our individuality. That’s why some of us read self-help books, to help us learn more about ourselves, to go inward to that truth we’ve been running away from and to direct our growth to those areas. So I refuse to agree that if you find that elusive husband that means your individual score is much higher than mine so your prize for the improvement in yourself is…ding, ding, ding….the husband. I believe your prize for improvement of yourself is knowing and loving yourself more so much more that you don’t rely on anyone or anything to give you that joy. The joy comes from within and of course, in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Those people with husbands or spouses just found someone who was more accepting of them with all their imperfections and they decided to work on themselves together. His selfishness matched her selflessness, and vice versa, his quiet matched her crazy, her Becky matched his Jay-Z, her virgin a$$ matched his f*^k boi (or vice versa) or maybe their crazies matched in all areas, and one day, just maybe, my imperfections will match someone else’s.

So as I continue to work on myself regardless of the existence or lack thereof, of true love, I shall keep renewing my faith, fine-tuning the flawed parts of me, sharpening that chisel to chip away at the rough pieces. It is a work in progress and the blessing from all this, isn’t a husband, it is me, my deeper love of myself. And of course, salvation in Christ Jesus.