I just hate Christmas and New Years because after it comes January and January is a scary month, because then you have to come down so fast from the high that Xmas and New Years have put you on, and then, those bills are waiting to be paid with money that is not bonus-related. January has to be the saddest, longest fucking month in the whole entire year.

That being said, I just wanted to talk about...me.

I haven't thought about Keanu in a long time.

Not because I am amusing myself with this new guy.

And not because he is so mesmerizing that I sometimes forget Keanu when I am with him ( I wish)

I am just getting older and I am caught up with how to make my life better as opposed to whining and pinning for a man I may never have. I remember watching Something's Gotta Give last weekend and thinking: So I can never have this man, so I can never have this man, are you telling me I can never ever have this man, NO, so I can never have you?

Everytime he kissed Diane Keaton I cringed and something stung me inside as I thought, so I can never have you and it is sad.

So that is how I think of him now, as if I am finally laying down the torch of love and facing life alone to open my eyes to see what's out there and what I can do about shaking up this life of mine to possibly mean something.

I shall talk about something else next time, perhaps what I hope for for Christmas when everything actually goes quiet inside me.