boring week

It's been such a long and winded and absolutely boring week. It's vacation weekend and once again I have nowhere to go and nothing really to do and it's just boring and lacklustre. I found myself watching the clock this evening, two hours after I had driven home from work (in that horrid vacation traffic)and there was absolutely nothing to do. I should have gone to see Spiderman 2 but I didn't. I should have gone to borrow some movies but I am trying to save money; I should have written, but I have no alcohol, no motivation and I am too depressed to write. Never thought I'd see the day when I'd say that. I should have done something but I was way too wrapped up in an undescribable emotion which I summarised simply as boredom. I am sure it's more than that but I'll leave it at that. It's just sometimes you expect good news and in its absence you just expect the quiet to take its place and fill the void with its silence. But instead there is drama of an unspeakable kind. One that just speaks volumes in its harshness and destroys the silence you should be enjoying as you await the excitement (to come whenever) and then, you find yourself crying a lot more often, soft tears that fill your eyes and choke your breath and just consume you if they are not yielded. You just ache and hurt, and...you look at life in a hurt way.

I am blabbing. And I thought I was too depressed to write. I could have gone to see Spiderman 2, even when it was 10 o'clock and I got tired of staring at that wretched clock, but then, I don't think that would have added any excitement to my evening, to my week.

I just wish my life was not this way.