I thought I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror today of the person that I wanted to be. Sometimes I think what is it that forms the belly of my disappointment and though it defies explanation I sometimes conclude that it is not so much a story or situation as a state of mind, a state of being that I am not familiar with, I am not content with, something I didn't want to be. I remember the childlike eyes with which I viewed the future, my coming-of-age, and I thought, that would be a good time, and now as I settle into it, day by day, passing year after passing year, I can't help thinking, how not so good this time is. Yes there are some dreams that have been fulfilled but in their fulfillment, their reality disappointed me. I assumed they would be great and they turned out not to be, like waiting for that pink colored icecream that tastes like piss. Yeah, I got it, that's one plus, but no, I didn't expect it to taste this bad.
I have learned in all that to stop looking forward to a heck of a whole lot. Nothing really matters anymore. Nothing ever lives up to expectation.
It should be a good week. I deserve one.
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