I am tired and lacking of energy to work out, go to the gym, exert myself, I just want to go to work and then, come home and plop up in front of the TV. Because of this I have noticeably gained weight, and I've noticed this but I don't seem to care. I've worked out on occasion but not as much and as zealously as I used to. I don't know what's wrong with me. Scratch that, I have an idea of what's wrong with me, but I don't know if it is 100% to blame for the sudden lack of energy and zeal to do anything.
This is all premature craziness that I wish would resolve itself so I could get back on the Anita program, but everyday it's still the same, it's still the same lost hope, acknowledgement that things will never go back to the way they were, that my time, my face, my space, my grace, my retreat, my treat, the little things, the smile, the while, the girl, the child, the tickle, the smirk, the escape, the wait, the build, the fun is all gone and I may never get it back.
It's the mental drain that exhausts me.
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