As you can see from the post below, I am still angry.
I thought I'd wake up today and not feel any anger, or maybe just a little bit, but I still am. I kept asking myself yesterday, why am I angry? Just so I can diagnose and hopefully get rid of it. Do I really like him, or is it just about winning? I cannot answer that question. I am just angry because it is a similar feeling, I've been here before and no matter how hard I tried to avoid getting here again ever, I still get here. That's why I am angry.
And, I cannot get over the smug look on his face as he tried to avoid answering a simple question as, when is your birthday? And when he did, he was like, don't worry about it? We've made plans for the 17th. The smug sheepish grin on his fucking face, like you've been had and forget about it, I made more concrete plans with someone I care about. That look! I cannot erase that fucking smirk from my mind...every time I shut my eyes or I am quiet, I remember it. It was so fucking annoying makes you want to throw something. Just smash his head in or something, but then you have to sit there and be a lady through it all. And you just keep gasping, This is fucked...this is totally fucked up!
So with all that said and out of my system, I still ask myself, Do I really like him, or is it just about winning?
I think it was more about honesty. Honesty upfront. If you want sex, you tell me up front, don't pretend to be my fucking friend, you let me know what you want up front. No bullshit! Just honesty right from the start, and...winning would have been nice too...
2 comments:
i think the anger comes in because one would like to believe, that in the core of everyone's humanness there is small amount of humility that would lead to a civil way of letting another know that maybe they can’t take the relationship “there”. Unfortunately some are purposeful assholes which is unforgivable because that behavior can’t be dismissed due to its intentional nature to harm, as opposed to accidental asshole behavior which, though also harmful can be traced to some other source like; youth or underlying mental issues.
as someone who has been on the receiving end of purposeful asshole-ishness, i say one thing. never get amnesia about. keep a snapshot of that feeling tucked away. since purposeful assholes tend to look for an opening (calling to remember a birthday or turning a casual "running into you" moment as an opportunity to tell you how wonderful you are) to layer on the charm, hoping for another. another what you may ask? another of whatever they hope to acquire from you at that particular moment in time. this is when you must conjure up the feeling you are in the midst of right now. it will actually be a gift.
Dear supawomanp,
Truer words have never been spoken. From one angry woman to another, I thank you for agreeing with the root of my anger and teaching me how to harness it.
More so, for alerting me to "The purposeful asshole." I might borrow that one.
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