The object of my like

I like someone.

That is not a good position to be in, for me at least. If you've been following, I have crazy obsessive tendencies when I like someone. Well, I exaggerate. I make it sound like I stalk them. I just like them without even knowing why. That's not a good like. Because you're supposed to have a theme with your emotions. Is it their smile, their charm, their quick wit, their self-respect for you, God, humanity, or even their admiration of you may make you to turn around and like them. This is totally, totally none of these things. Most of the objects of my affection never meet any of these criteria. I just like them just because...sometimes because they don't like me back. Then, I feel the need to be in some hot pursuit to try to convince them to like me. Once they do, then I start to stop liking them. It's stupid, I know.

So, here I am. I like someone. I know little about this person except for the fact that they don't like me. It's like playing catch or something. I'm chasing this person and they're running away which thus makes me chase them even more. In between my chasing, I am being chased. Which is rare for me. But I can't concentrate on the people chasing me because I just want the one I want to like me back and then we can all live happily ever after...at least until I stop liking them...which really doesn't take that long for me too.

If you're still paying attention, it goes really easily. I like someone because they don't like me and I want them to so bad, and once they do and I know that I've achieved my aim, I loose interest and thus start liking someone else. However, getting this person to like me is so hard. Men are so stubborn. How do you turn them around? How do I turn around my heart to stop this stupid conquest knowing that I may loose? I've cursed myself out, rebuked me, promised myself many toys just to see reason and realize this is not going to work. We've been in this position before and believe me, it is not going to work. But wouldn't it be fun if it did though. I can't help seeing past that.

I just keep thinking how happy the sound of his voice makes me. How giddy I get when I talk to him on the phone, when I look down at my phone and see his number, how thoroughly elated I am when we do get to talk about nothing. It's not mind blowing conversation, it's just talk but it's great talk because it involves the object of my affection on the other line. Sheer joy! 

If words could lure him, I've tried. I have tried words before and they didn't work. If thoughts could lure him I am trying that to, hopefully that works. Regardless of what works, maybe the voice of reason possibly, I need to get it out of my system. Be slapped into reality, get a new hobby, or a new object. I just need to think realistically. I always have these thoughts that if I can have what I want even if it is for a short time, if I can have that, then I'd be good. It's like having your fill of icecream and then, you're filled to the gills and thoroughly disgusted by it. That's what I want. My fill of icecream not the deprivation or the temptation of it.

Till then, I will just continue liking from a distance so it seems.