Conscious Coupling

I took a week off for my life. 

I took a week off to connect with myself. I know that sounds like some Western World problems, but the week before I found myself off, not doing things I would normally do, not exercising good judgment, being irrational and out of sorts. And then I had a friend call me to action and point the judgment finger. Then it just hit me. The only one who can judge me is Me (God most especially) but it's me who is the driver of my actions so I should be blamed if I steer myself to danger. So that made me take a week off to instruct the driver and provide good driving lessons. 

In this week I refrained from ALL social activities, not too many conversations on the phone, very little external interaction. Usually when I do this in America I am able to do it without stepping foot outside my door. It's like my introspective week where I can sit in my living room with the curtains drawn and just stew in my feelings. But this is Nigeria, a lot has to happen outside. So I fought it as much as I could manage until I gave up and ran to the bank, laundromat, etc. In that week, I drank a lot of soothing tea, read a lot of poetry, wrote a little immature poetry, viewed a lot of provocative images to arouse the poetry, the words, and I thought, A LOT about my actions. I was also moved in ways I never knew possible, almost to a point of confusion.

This morning when I woke up dizzy from my confusion, I read this from a Forever Conscious site:

Soul Mate: Someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs.

If you really want to connect with a Soulmate, you need to align with your own soul. You need to discover who you are, honor yourself and begin following your heart. When you align with your true self, you are then instantly in the vibration of meeting your soul-mate.

  

Instantly, it made me think, was that what this entire hibernation episode was about: a way to align with my soul? A way to transcend to a higher level of consciousness? 

I can't tell if I learned anything. I'm still dizzy from the confusion. Sometimes you can dig so deep into your consciousness that you unearth stuff that just rocks you to your core and reveals your true personality. I also don't have a cure for what it is that ails me. I just know that I don't know what I am doing. I can't understand or appreciate what I hope to gain from what I am doing. I thought I had it all mapped out but, after my week I realized I really don't. 

All I know is, I am shaken to my core. I am addicted. I am pitiful and somewhat insecure. But I can't stop because I feel like there's a lesson to be grasped from this. I can't stop because I want to win (as stupid as that sounds) and I can't stop because I just don't know how to. Nevertheless, I would really, absolutely and completely LOVE to stop. 

And that is what my week of introspection revealed to me.