Deluge

Last 72 hours have been revealing, traumatizing and somewhat disappointing. I don't even know where to begin.

I just discovered through some very tough relationship events that it takes a whole lot from me to LOVE and not to spread HATE. Spreading hate is easy. So easy and immediately gratifying but after that, what next, what happens when your anger cools. There's guilt and remorse and shame for your actions. You start to wonder, "So why did I stoop that low, just because I was angry?" In the past I've come on this blog and revealed information just to get back at who hurt me. I've also made rude, insensitive remarks to people just so they can feel the hurt I'm feeling. But this time, it's taking a whole lot, heck of a whole lot from me not to express that, and I hope that shows growth. I also hope this growth continues and brings me into a more positive space.

Finally, Lagos has dealt me a cruel brutal blow. I'll remember this one. Being backstabbed by friends, ex-lovers, colleagues, women in distress, etc. A cruel death gash that has me bleeding profusely. I'll remember this one and I'll learn from it. I'll learn who to trust, who to talk to, who to sleep with, who to even spend time with. I'll remember this one.