Okay, so I was supposed to write in here, but a lot has happened. And not so much of it is positive. But there is positivity in this world like:

1) I still have my job.
2) My car still works.

So what happened? I got my Premiere issue on Thursday and it has Keanu in Matrix gear on the cover. So now, I have a Vin Diesel cover, and a tasty Ke cover for myself. The escapism I crave. If only it were real.

You know how life gets so screwed up that you start to wonder, why am I screwed, why am I almost 29 and having to deal with these kind of super stupid, childish overbearing depressing issues. There really is more to the world, to my life. I promised myself that once I got a job, I wold stop obsessing about that and move onto other issues, like the search for a partner, getting better at my job, trying to become an expert in my field--that is so hard. So now, why should I be facing this kind of stupid stuff now like I am a teenager.

Do I still want escapism, yes. Now, more than ever. I have always wanted to escape the present longer than I know of myself, since I was in high school all those days in that class in boarding school, longing for a way to leave suddenly. The present has never really given me that much joy as it should.

Do I want the impossible, yeah! Isn't that what life and faith teaches us, to believe in the impossible and it would happen. Why should I stop now, why should I be asked to conform and to wait on the boring now. It is so misconstrued and conventional.

You can tell from my tone, I am not somewhat as happy as I should. I had so much to write during my abstinence from the computer, and I thought I could put it down as notes in my Outlook corner but then, I just lost the Zen in my Ying. I am writing in here now, slightly tipsy from 2 glasses of wine and hungover on love of the impossible and a lack of excellence in my job.

I promise to write down in my Notes next time, if I experience any abstinence from the NET which I have been confined to, so hopefully it shall seem more coherent than it is now. It is too bad to have to read back on this and have it not make any sense. But I got as much of it out as I should to feel better.