really!

An old friend of mine called yesterday wanting to know if I actually do fantasize about sex, men, and if I have any dirty secrets. I don't know how much of all that is in here, but I know I do talk about that a lot in my other journals, and occasionally in here.

I remember asking if that would be the one thing that would quell my perpetual anger and disdain at the world. I remember wondering that this was possibly the reason why my skin is so bad, and I have been breaking out uncontrollably because I haven't had sex in a while. It's a myth but it's true--breakouts occur in a sexual recession.

Funny that he should mention it because, a week ago, the day of the dollar stint of the Matrix Reloaded (I can't remember if I mentioned it in here. I didn't get to see it in IMAX instead I went to the Dollar Theater to see it, shows how cheap I can be) the guy that I went with, I don't know if he was offering sex or whatnot, but he asked me if I wanted sex, (or maybe he was wondering why I don't talk about it as much as I used to) I said No.

I don't really want it. I just feel like it would make me lose focus of what I really need to do with my life. When you start to have that kind of relationship-less sex, you lose control of your faculties cos sex takes over and all your mind goes to are: when will I see him again, what position should we indulge in today or what neat trick can I do to keep him permanently aroused? This is not all I really need to be thinking right now. I know where I wanna go and I know I have a whole lot of things to do. I just need to focus on that and not start the whole sex bit.

In other sex-related news, I had a dream last night that I was having one of those instructional sexual episodes with that guy Smith Jerrod--Samantha's hunk in Sex and the City. This is funny cos I dont really like him. He is a hunk alright. he has the goods, tight bud, six pack everything but he is just not my type, his eyes say nothing to me, and you know how I am about those eyes. But we were at it, and he was telling me ways he could turn me on, cradling my naked body with such masculine prowess and we were hiding this from Samantha. This was the plot to some Sex and the City spin-off show that he's on that he's the main star to, that was actually named The Smith Show.

I have lost my marbles.