Rejection in all its Glory

Rejection, anyway you look at it, no matter how many times it occurs to you, hurts. It hurts like a motherfucker. It's as if someone rammed a syringe through your heart and injected it with acid, and within time, the acid lets your heart implode inside you into minute burning pieces and you just feel like vomiting the bits of it that are broken, but you can't. You just have to suck it in, ingest it and let it consume you and hopefully you can find the strength to forget it and move on.

Rejection, be it the rejection from a job interview--that job that you really really wanted and you went out of your way to go for the interview and then, weeks after you don't hear a word and then, Bam! the "Unfortunately we cannot hire you" paragraph begins and you just lose it. Or it could simply be just another job opportunity that you were considering, a better career move, or a loan application, or the good old fashioned rejection from a loved one, from a crush, or worse off from, someone you don't like who thinks you like him so he feels the need to reject you even before you reject him. Or another worse take on it, it could be from the "you have been pre-approved" credit card people letting you know you've been pre-approved for a credit card so it gives you the need to apply and when you do, they actually have the nerve to tell you that you've been rejected. Fuckers! why did you ask me to apply then, you did ask when you said, O% APR and all the you've been pre-approved crap. Fucking idiots.

I just can't find a logic good enough to help me build a wall around it. It hurts every time, even though I am half-expecting it, even though I believe something that can't kill you will make you stronger, even though I know that the glass is half-full, every time it occurs I just wanna hit my head on a wall, or just stand somewhere and scream so loud it deafens me. I just feel like driving my car somewhere far far away abandoning everything that has meaning, doing something erratic and introspectively meaningful to me, to go to another state or to some other place, somewhere that I can fail silently and shamelessly. Just to fall off from everyone's critical list and to become that great wall of hopeless confusion.

Needless to say I got some kind of rejection letter today. It was both the ignore you rejection and the polite "stop sending us your resume because we are not interested" rejection. It hurt like a motherfucker. I just remember Keanu's last interview where he told the reporter: "When people say everything happens for a reason, that sticks in my craw." True because there is no reason for the kind of hardship that life has dealt me, I went to school, I put in my two cents, I was a good student, I love hard work and I crave excellent results, so why is this not all falling into place for me. Why do people find it so easy to tell me, NO, when they can quite easily tell me, Yes.

What is the reasoning behind all this that I can't comprehend?

I am going to stop now before I start to cry...