Bad tidbits about living alone:

1) You have to clean the house by your idiot self. When it comes to the bathroom, washing dishes and scrubbing the tiles in the bathroom, you just start to curse, why can't someone else be here to do it or rotate it with me?

2) You have to watch Super Bowl Sunday by yourself. No one to share hot wings, chips, soda and dip with. It's just you and the TV and of course the laptop to log into LJ and lament about it.

I did some much-needed decluttering this weekend.

This stemmed from a long line of conversations with my family, my friends, some of them online and the fact that I noticed that he didnt hold me after sex. Then, there were other things like the bad taste our sexual encounters was leaving in my mouth. I know something is wrong and I am sure he felt the same way too because he didn't call either. So this time, I just snipped away and got myself back. Hopefully, it would be an episode of out of sight out of mind, more than absence makes the heart grow fonder.

It is hard, the quiet in my life is familiar but not welcome though it is needed. I have been home most of the weekend and the phone has not rung, except for my mother asking what station super bowl sunday is gonna be on. There was a time it's ringing was a fracture in my solitary bliss. I suppose I didn't need the drama. Some things give you that feeling of deja vu as if you've been here before, I have been in this shitty relationship before, with shitty male, who gives me a shitty time and I embrace shitty atmosphere as if there's nothing wrong. So, what did I grow up from, if I am here once again, in shitty land, almost 30 and right back where I started.

You know that song that goes:
There's gotta be more to life than chasing out every temporary high.

There has to be, isn't there?

Culled from Black Girl in Paris by Shay Youngblood:
Know where you've been but don't live in the past. Know where you're going, you need concrete goals even if they're short term but the most important thing is to know who you are.