every man needs a place

I have a confession to make.

I voted for Jasmine Trias on AI on Tuesday. I was just so touched by her tears, and Simon making her cry like that on stage in front of everyone, that I sent in my two cents to show him he shouldn't predict someone's demise like that. I was really moved by those tears, because I have been predicted that way too, in the past, people think, oh, she's not good for anything, see how perky she is, well, hey I proved them wrong and so can she.

In other news. I told my sister about the property downtown that I am looking into moving to. Of course she disapproved of it. She wouldn't even hear it. She thought it was absurd that I would want to move there to find "happiness". Her response said, "You cannot find happiness until you search within your heart as to what it is that makes you happy, no matter how many jobs or apartments you move to, you have to decide what it is that makes you happy."

I can name quite a few things, I am assuming would make me happy. From reading this journal I am sure a few of you can identify a couple of them too. I just don't want to discuss them with her. She decided we should do TROY tomorrow and discuss issues with my unattainable happiness. I don't want to talk about it. Every time I even try to think about it a little deeply, it upsets me. Tears well up in my eyes and I am overwhelmed and just floored by the absurdity of it all.

I don't know what I expect from this life, all I know is what I have isn't what I expected and as the years progress it isn't coming to fruition, what is this, 30 now and this isn't what I imagined AT ALL.

If you'll excuse me the tears are welling up now.