Since I got off work early on Friday, was home by 1pm, I have done nothing except trapse around town looking at properties I would love to live in, I can live in but don't want to, I cannot live in, for some inexplicable reason, or just because it is not what I am looking for right now.
I haven't written a word of my birthday story.
I have't read for my Real Estate Class Test.
I haven't thought about what fun thing I would like to do on my birthday.
I haven't let the thought of turning 30 overwhelm me; which is a good thing because every time I seem to think about it, tears well up in my eyes. Just like it did today in church.
God has answered so many of my prayers, and they all came so fast. Maybe that's what makes me so scared, and uneasy. It all came so fast. One minute I was working in a restuarant and the next I am almost agreeing to lease an apartment for $800 a month! Isn't it the most frightful thing? Don't you think I am jumping the gun a little. I feel as if I am moving too fast too. Don't move as fast as it, slow down a bit, let it catch up with you. But really, can you see what I am faced with?
I don't know much, I just know I want to love, the excitement of this place has worn off for me and I am done with it.
The kind of apartment deal I want now, is with little or no deposit. In a nice upscale, very upscale neighborhood, that is somewhat far from where I live right now, that way I can stop bumping into people I don't want to see again, ever. And I can actually imagine that I have stopped being scared, stopped watching over my shoulder, stop wondering if one small scoop will come take all this away.
As the last week of my 29th year on this earth commences, I pray what every 29 year old who lives alone, and spends most of her time alone, and thinks alone, I think whatever comes through my mind, for the one thing that may complete the puzzle--I pray for a mate, for God to dig deep and find me someone to share my life with, so I don't have to go to Brusters at 8 pm and sit by myself wondering why I am sitting alone. So that I can stop feeling sorry for myself and a whole bunch of people can stop feeling sorry for me too. I pray that it is in the stars for me, and I pray that the Lord God gives it to me. I am tired of this, I really am. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
If I could...I would make everyone in the world love, absolutely adore one another and there would be no distinction in countries or religions or races.
But that's pushing it, right?
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