Read at your own peril

Some days start out good and just somehow end up being a bloody awful day. Today is such a day I speak of. Too many countless stupid activities.

. Went for a stupid ass Xmas lunch with my coworkers that was without fanfare and lackluster, and sadly without alcohol. Who goes to celebrate Xmas without alcohol, it's part of Xmas.
. Some idiot's door bashed in my driver door, leaving yet another dent in it. It is now, 4 months since I have had the car and it's been through 3 heavy dinges. What is it about green that attracts them so?
. I told my coworkers I had passed my exams and they so quickly brished it aside, like it was nothing exceptional. I made over 60% for crying out loud, they said not many people get that high.

And there's so much more. I am just really pissed off today. Something tells me it is going to be a very long ass week. I am off next week, but it's not like I have anything planned. I just think it's going to be a very long week, and a very boring week off. What exciting thing can possibly happen to me, what are the exciting things I want to happen to me? How can I make exciting things happen?

A friend of mine asked me if I still like Keanu since it's been all about Gavin lately. Yeah. I still do. Always. That's the thing about my love for Keanu it just lurks, it waits for me to have love affairs with men in my head and then, it comes back to claim me. He has this genuiness of character that just astounds me. It's like I can almost predict that if there's a tame story, it has him written all over it. It's not the same with the others.

But Gavin is hot no doubt. And it's exploded over the past year or so. I remember back in May 2004 when I first got his CD, and did a quick search for him online, nothing pulled up. Not a thing. It was sad. I thought what a great artist and no one likes him. But not quite so now. Sometimes when I see him I just think can I sleep with you just for one time, one time, is that okay? Is it okay for me to feel that way? I never think that way about KR it's more like, what about a lifetime, friendship will also be good too. I would love to listen to you, watch you listen to me.

I have a friend just like that in real life (never thought I'd say real life right) and I like him, we have great conversation, he gets me, makes me spirits up when I am down. But I don't think of sleeping with him. Sometimes I do, when I realize how impossible the Gavins and the Adams are in my life, then, I think of him the Mr. Accessible and Realistic in that way. But in conversation, I never break out and say, you are so hot, Do me please. And I have thought that way about some men IN REAL LIFE. Not just fantasy, and somehow they have come to be, some of them have measured up to expectations, and some in hindisght, not so much.

You see the kinds of things I think about. AT XMAS!

Anyway, this is not what I wanted to talk about tonight. I just want to wish everyone (especially myself)a merry xmas. You can tell I need it.