Okay...sighs

Remember the fight I told you I had with my boss on Saturday night, well, it turns out the bitch fired me. I knew she would that was why I left her a note just before I angrily walked out blasting her and indirectly telling her where to shove her job.

But it's okay...it's so strange, I am not worried cos I know God makes us take small steps into his kingdom and this was the first one I had to take, I had to leave that path so I could make another one. I just wanted to leave that job soo bad that I felt it was choking everything I knew about myself, my self-worth. It was a constant humiliation working there and I guess in between all that God heard my prayers.

I called Kaui to tell him first. Can you imagine he was the first person I wanted to talk to (well, after speaking to my sister of course) and I remember his shrilly voice squeaking when I said, "I don't work there anymore?" Immediately concerned he asked me what had happened, but you know I can't talk about it on the phone, I just felt it was something I should keep to myself. But it was still nice of him to care.


Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time, you know that THIS that I want from life will never come, and that I will end up a sad story and a disappointment to myself and everyone who has ever known me. Like a one hit wonder that never actually took off. And then I watch shows like the Oscars and think...so someone was actually nominated 16 times and he didn't kill himself after losing the 10th time...where did he get the courage to persevere that long, cos God knows I've lost mine and it hasn't even been 16 years. I don't know, life is just too uphill, frustrating, downhill, whirlwind, one-sided and calamitious for me...when does it all end, the chaos and the tasking, the degradation, when?