For the past couple of days, I haven't been sleeping well. Maybe, it's the copious amounts of Diet Cokes I drown in a day. Today I stayed off it and I can't still seem to fall asleep.

I keep thinking, and thinking about so many things. I feel like I am choking, I am drowning, like I am lifeless, or something wants me to be. I feel like every single thing I had hope in has disappeared, like I wasn't meant to have hope at all.

My hopes of getting married and having kids---that is just almost impossible. 3 years and counting I still haven't gotten a date.

My hopes of being successful in a job I love, possibly in the entertainment business---I send out at least a resume a day and all day my phone is buzzed by telemarketers, that's how far my career is going.

My hopes of anything, affording a house on my own, doing something I love, being with people I love, most of all of travelling around the world, preferably Europe---that is impossible like right now.

It's like something wants me to be this hopeless, wants me to have the chance to be hopeless, to throw up my hands and just give up. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.

That is why I can't sleep. And a whole bunch of things I can't put into words. Someone just strangle me now, cos' I think the fact that I'm breathing is the only hope that's left.