why do I think of you on a night like this. Your face adorns my wall and I flicker at the weakness of your smile whenever you do smile.

why do I seldom think of you and me, and what if at all, could be, if I were only stronger not weaker, beautiful not less beautiful, living in another time and not this one.

why do I think of you, perhaps only when I am high or stubborn or withdrawn as I feel now? Why do I wonder, if he is wherever he is, what is he doing now? and why does it matter amidst the propounding problems that I have that I would have to stop to spare a moment or two just to think of you.

why do I think of a laugh, a place, a story that I believed in once upon a long time ago, of the people who knew so much, shared and loved so much that they wanted to be with one another. And that one of those 2 people could be you.

Why do I think of you at all?

Isn't it sad, that I may have to live this life, like I have lived everyday of it till now, without you, without knowing you, and you without even stopping for a second to know about me.

why does our love ever even matter at all...if only to my myopic configuration of peace, happiness and belonging in a part of a fiction I created, becoming the non-fiction of my life...our life.

yes, I wrote it for him. I must be the stupidest girl alive to have believed it at all.