I spent all day stemming from yesterday, spending money by paying my bills and then managing the accounts that I paid these bills from. The start of the month is always the hardest time for me because I have to pay rent and then from there the other bills that cannot wait and do not have any grace period. I spent all that money yesterday and I didn't even leave my house; just by sitting infront of my computer and all my money was gone.

It's the worry of having to pinch and scrape that got me longing for a kiss to make it feel better (see below)

I spent today at work reading my entries from this week last year. It's so amazing the work that God has done in my life, and wow! what a difference a year makes. All the things I longed for, the career job, the kinda job that required my brainmatter as opposed to my perkiness---I got that. A career-fitting car to go with my career-fitting job--I got that too. That was a dream come true, almost a fluke. And then so many little perks in between--I got them.

And then, this year I am longing for an extraordinary thing to happen to me. This has always been the underlying intent of my prayers but now all the outer layers have been peeled and then, there it lies, that extraordinary thing that just defies all odds in the course of events waiting for its day to occur. I still want it, I want it more than I can say, I want to get married and have a bunch of kids, because that is not extraordinary---everyone does that. This is what I want, if I can have my name on people's lips for something good that I've brought to their life's, that would be the peak of my existence. To exist in being is an amazing thing.

I am not greedy...I suppose I am not. I know that as we grow our tastes and wants for this life expands and we become hopeless pieces of air...maybe.

Either that or next year, you all might never remember that I am here.

Will you?